how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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