This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
