Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
