Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
