VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
