we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
