mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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