i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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