And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He kissed a someone with a penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
