is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
