she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
