Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
