see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
