Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did i just pee glitter
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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