he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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