she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
