You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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