I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
