proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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