Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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