I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
