He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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