I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
