Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
