dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
