Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
