There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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