I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
