i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
