remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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