My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you didnt know i had herpes?
So many bounce houses so little time
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
