Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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