U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
