there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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