Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
