You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
