Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
