Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize