Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize