I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
