ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
