I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
