As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
