can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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