When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
