jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
two words...techno handjob
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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