I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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