He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
