He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
