hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
