Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
