My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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