WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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