Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
