its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
