he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
