i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
