I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
