Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
